“Why is it that people like us chose to serve… for nickels a day, in a profession that makes us constantly look over our shoulders for those who are watching us?” -Philip Allen, The Good Shepherd
Tipping is like politics. Everyone has strong opinions on it and many won’t change their mind no matter how much evidence you provide. Instead, most people use mental shortcuts to determine how much to tip (or not tip), no matter the circumstances. You could give the best or worst service and they’d tip the same. The bartender could be a saint or a prick and they’d leave the same. The food could be perfect or they could get food poisoning and again, give the same amount.
Because to exercise critical thinking is asking too much of some people. Indeed, a 2014 university study found 67% of male participants preferred to give themselves an electric shock instead of spending 15 minutes alone in a room with their own thoughts.
But I do understand many people are tired, sometimes drunk, or simply apathetic to exercise such faculties when dining out. When you’re stressed about work or just getting a cheap deal to feed your family, extra mental tasks can be exhausting. However, a young, lazy waitress who spends most of the time on her phone doesn’t deserve the same tip as a veteran one who busts her ass to make you happy.
So what are such mental shortcuts on tipping? Here are some of the most common:
- “I always tip (5%, 10%, 15%, etc.) no matter what.” Sure it’s easy, if lazy.
- “I don’t believe in tipping.” It’s cheap but also cruel and classless.
- “I usually tip (whatever %) unless service sucks, but always cover the tip-out to the kitchen.” This one is more kind-hearted. But sometimes lazy, insolent servers should cover their own tip-out, to teach them humility!
- “I don’t tip if the food was bad.” This is understandable but unfair if the server rung in everything perfectly, did a quality check, and tried fixing things for you.
- “I won’t tip if the server made a mistake.” God forbid restaurant staff are human beings, because unless they spilt hot soup on your newborn child you could be more forgiving.
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I’ve had many customers ask me how to tip, either in general or when I bring the bill. In the latter case I usually told them whatever they want or 15-20% depending where I worked. As for the former I’ve always said “tip based on merit.”
The concept of merit-tipping is obvious but I’ve had to it explain more times than altruism to business majors. It means you tip your waitress or bartender based on their level of service, attitude, and effort. It’s an imperfect system as other things like atmosphere and food matter, but hear me out. Servers can fix food and managers can deal with atmosphere. But generally it comes down to service, attitude and effort.
For service it’s mostly them doing what’s expected (or should be expected), from being attentive, quality checks, topping up drinks, etc. This is to guarantee a decent enough experience and show restaurants at least pretends to care about you as a customer.
Attitude is obvious, as efficiency doesn’t compensate for a snotty waitress or cocky bartender, because frankly customers prefer easygoing, if slow, servers over high-performing assholes. Trust me, surly bartenders and sarcastic waitresses aren’t as endearing in real life vs. on TV.
Effort is the saving grace that compensates for reasonable failures in either category, if things go wrong outside of the server’s control, or if they’re just having a bad day. Because the industry is chaotic, stressful, and countless things can go wrong. And too many servers don’t care, do the minimum, but still feel entitled to tips. But if your waitress is going through hell, was let down by their colleagues, but still does their best, you could (and should) show mercy when it comes to tipping.
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But why should you tip fairly, or at all (besides being a decent human being)?
It’s your due to get decent service and a relatively enjoyable restaurant experience, right? You don’t get tipped for your vocation and if we wanted more money we should get a “real job,” eh? And my personal favourite, if servers want more money why can’t restaurant just pay them better?
Well firstly, restaurants usually aren’t profitable and if I were a billionaire the last thing I’d do is invest in one. People who understand the industry know most places fail in the first three years, and that profit margins are tight. Frankly, if you don’t manage labor, food costs, and staff theft (let alone bring in enough customers) you are fucked.
Thus, there’s only one way restaurants could pay their staff better: To increase prices… CONSIDERABLY! Do you know who pays these prices? Customers, including those who don’t tip.
So frankly, the status quo (in North America at least) of minimum wage and the OPTION of tipping saves customers far more money than asking restaurants to pay their staff better. Because if you don’t want to tip and think bars should raise waitresses’ wages please realize the beer, chicken wings, and cheap meals you order would cost more money. And unlike the current system you wouldn’t enjoy the flexibility on how much money you spend.
You’d be forced to pay the full, higher bill, without recourse against poor service, staff with bad attitude, etc. In fact, you’ll lose the main bargaining chip to guarantee a decent restaurant experience. Because the imperfect acronym for Tips is “To Ensure Prompt Service!” And once you do away with tips you won’t benefit from the KEY incentive to get bartenders off their asses, waitresses off their smart phones, to do their jobs and put customers first.
But while I favor the status quo I’m the last person to favor of mandatory tipping. Because I’ve always felt tips are earned, never entitled. Anyway, it’s a free country and you aren’t forced to tip, even well-meaning servers who bend over backwards for you. And usually you won’t be punished for Scrooge-like behaviour. Indeed, I still gave adequate service to those who didn’t tip, no matter how many times they came back. We all have things in our jobs we despise but accept is part of the vocation.
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Anyway, what are the consequences of not tipping in the current system? Personally, I don’t blame waitresses for doing the minimal for regulars (not one-off customers) who never tip, no matter the performance, especially when they’re rude. Because if nothing is more rewarding than serving kind, high-tipping regulars, there’s nothing as… aggregating than tolerating cheap assholes.
And if I still gave good service (especially at corporate chains where customers get you fired by petty complaints) to non-tippers, I never went beyond the call of duty, befriended them, and they never got anything special.
For example, a man came in with his cow of a wife at one of the better pubs I worked at. They weren’t rude but they took advantage of my generosity and were beyond cheap. Being a consummate professional (at that place at least) I did what I could to provide the best service. Anyway, the first time they came in he asked if they could get one of our beers on draft at a discount, even though it wasn’t on special. I said sure, even though I didn’t have to. He tipped me less than 5%.
The second time they came in I was just as professional and friendly. When he asked if he could take wings home on Wing Night (which you can’t) I broke the rules for him, even though I shouldn’t have. For coming through for him the second time I was rewarded with a $0.00 tip.
The third time they came in I was professional, but cold, and asked my colleague to take their table. A few minutes later my co-worker approached me, saying the entitled man wanted another beer at a discount, as it wasn’t on special. Since I was supervising it was my call and I made it… without hesitation!
“No, we’ve done them many favors and he doesn’t even tip,” I said.
“What should I say?” My colleagued asked.
“Maybe tell him we’re a small business, struggling to survive, and can’t afford giving out discounts every time someone comes in… that we need to make a profit.”
It’s likely I didn’t say something so witty (and true) but it’s what I should’ve said. So my co-worker denied the man’s absurd request, the guy spent the rest of the night sulking silently, and I promised my friend I’d cover the tip he wouldn’t have gotten anyway. The cheap bastard and his wife never came back and we all lived happily ever after.
***
Because, if you never tip you won’t be treated well, let alone liked, at places you frequent. You’ll get a higher level of service and warmth than you deserve… initially. But soon you will be lucky to get small talk or a genuine smile. Your drinks come late, quality checks become non-existent, and servers find ways to punish you. And if that seems harsh and cold realize you’re disrespecting our profession, undermining our livelihood, and we take it personally.
There’s a human cost to waitresses and bartenders when you never tip. And if you lack empathy and don’t care about people just skip this part. It’s merely the point, in North America at least, they make minimal wage (and in many U.S. states not even that) and tips are often the difference between poverty and a decent standard of living. Or the ability to cover rent, feeding their children, etc.
You may feel so what and if service is terrible and servers don’t care, it’s fair not to tip. But consider things from your source of livelihood.
How many white collar professionals would appreciate their bonuses being denied due to insolent clients? How many union employees would tolerate their benefits being quashed due to unreasonable complaints? And how would you feel towards those you provided a service for, who make you pay for it out of your own pocket?
Because bartenders and servers still tip-out when you give them nothing. In such cases they are paying to serve you! And trust me, if this happens on top of bullying, sexual harassment, and other unpleasant behavior, don’t be surprised when the occasional bartender or waitress responds… harshly.
Bryon told me of a waitress who had one too many unpleasant experiences with creepy, cheap customers. I can’t remember every detail but the guys obviously said something inappropriate because according to Bry she immediately lost it. She screamed something (likely curses) at the table and went back to the bar. Then she ran back to the table, slammed down menus, and threw coasters at them. Apparently, things didn’t get any better for however long they stayed. But the guys were so surprised they’d finally been called out they kept their heads down and remained mostly silent until they left.
And do you know why the waitress got away with her… outburst (besides the place being a rough dive-bar instead of a customer ass-kissing chain)? Because the guys were rude jackasses who harassed servers, alienated regulars, and never tipped.
That’s the cost of NEVER tipping… vs. merit-tipping.
Because merit-tipping also implies you don’t tip well (or at all) when service, attitude, and effort is unforgivably bad and you did nothing to provoke it. But it also means you should tip from fair, to generous, depending on how well the staff excels in these areas.
For example, I used to go to a lounge with cute servers, who always expected good tips no matter how lazy and inattentive they were. For adequate service I’d leave 10-15% and for outstanding service they got 20-25%. If it was so bad and they had no excuse I left nothing. But the funny part was whenever this happened the next time they served me the service was great… frankly amazing. In those cases I tipped 30% to show it wasn’t personal, but to prove a point.
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Yet I’m highly dubious you can convince most people the merits of… merit-tipping. Because research and bitter, personal experience suggest that quality of service is not one of the key factors how people tip. Because like geopolitics the rational actor model fails as often in tipping as in warfare.
Many people claim they tip based on service but studies don’t bear this out. Only a minority of customers tip better when they get ideal service. Because people tend to tip due to two factors, while shallow considerations also have an impact.
More than anything else people tip according to social norms. In other words, what they assume the average tip is. They don’t want to look cheap, piss off their server (even when they are terrible) or lose face in front of their peers. Peer pressure is as rough in bars as high school, the workplace, and social media. And unlike the latter categories we’re always swimming in alcohol… which corrodes judgment anyway.
The other key, more understandable factor is how much customers like or have rapport with their servers. That makes sense as flirting waitresses and charming bartenders (even when they’re lazy and incompetent) make higher tips than more capable servers, who pick up their slack. In other words, if you want more tips you should flirt, charm, dress well, and work out. Because appearance also matters, as research shows hotter waitresses get more tips (apparently academic studies were needed to confirm the obvious). Indeed, most waitresses soon realize it’s usually better to be good-looking than competent.
Finally, there’s solid data to suggest people are more likely to tip someone of the same race better. Which makes sense as racism is rife in the profession, alcohol surfaces it from the depths, and the industry is based highly on experiences and emotion. Because people tend to excuse bad behaviour by members of their own tribe due to individuals’ failings, but when it comes to bad apples in other tribes they often say “they’re all the same.”
***
17 years of bartending showed me the keys to maximizing tips have little to do with merit and good service. Those were ideals I strove for but with hindsight I would’ve spent more time on shallow tactics lazy bartenders and waitresses use to outgain more competent colleagues. Because in my experience giving great service only increases tips marginally.
I discovered one key was working at higher class places where people tip more. Since even the cutest girls still make relatively meh tips at lower class establishments. The other key, at least for places where managers reward merit, is giving better service than your colleagues to get the best hours and sections. As most people give the expected average tip the best chance you have to accumulate maximum wealth is serving as many customers, tables, and checks as possible.
Because despite the emotional, unpredictable nature of the industry much of it, especially tipping, comes down to math and statistics. People and their patterns are more predictable than you think. If not mediocre chains (propped up by locusts of bean-counters) like Kelseys wouldn’t exist.
Bryon once said he could estimate, within a 3% margin of error, what servers would get for overall tips per shift. Of course I dismissed that out of hand given the chaos of the industry and volatility of human nature. We argued about it and I remember not giving his points the time of day.
But 10 years later I know Bry was right. Thanks to my gut, vast research, and what I found after I started recording my tips after every shift. Because despite ebbs and flows the trends always came back to the average tip customers are expected to give. It rarely mattered if I was sober or drunk, friendly or cold, well-groomed or sloppily dressed.
That’s why the average waitress and bartender gives mediocre service, and these days you’re often lucky to get that. And it’s why merit-tipping is seldom understood, let alone exercised, by the majority of customers.